yello kids!

ive been using soundtrap to make the majority of my music but the lack of... stuff is just generally holding me back. i mainly use their stock loops because i dont actually know what im doing (😭) and theres just not enough unique stuff to use. i am super autistic and dumb so my inspiration, motivation, and interests are constantly shifting and soundtrap isnt enough to suit my needs. everything in soundtrap that might take some of that weight off my shoulders is locked behind a paywall. id love to use fl studio but y'know, money. im not broke, im just stingy as fuck.

ive gotten tons of support on many of my more recent projects, but it really feels inconsistent because some of my actual best work has not gotten much attention and literally like 2 people have ever given me feedback. also ive seen a fair amount of unnecessary negativity towards me and some of my projects. i get not liking my work, have your opinions. i dont care, bc most of it is just made for fun without any care for the people listening (no offense). but ive had at least one guy tell me that nobody likes my shit (obv not true but still way overboard). im tired of people being dicks for no reason at all. really kills motivation.

i also just feel so bored all the time. i have so many things im able to do but i just dont ever feel like actually doing those things. ill end up just sitting around doing something for a while and then i stop and i wouldnt be able to tell you what id been doing. its all just kinda a blur ig

"wow wizard that sounds like depression" yeah bc it is. ive been depressed for years and its been at a point where depressed me is regular me. im not me without depression, which sounds really fucking stupid honestly but whatever. im not sad or anything, im just bored and im not really going anywhere in life. im just kinda here. i have good friends, an awesome family, and two silly little cats. im honestly pretty happy. but at the same time, i feel just so unfufilled. maybe i need a job or something lmao

anyways dont take this post like a trauma dump or an "im sad pls help" post, i dont need help or anything. just saying where ive been like anyone has genuinely missed me in the like 3 months ive been on hiatus. just copium tbh

anyways bye love yall 😁

-wizard

pawncast when? hurry up nifty